Rage Against the Man

I have gone down fighting most of my life and like the phoenix, I too rise from the ashes.. I don't always feel as glorious as the Phoenix.. To paint a visual of my rising it would be like this: Me , covered in a massive quantity of bull shit, crawling with dirty fingernails, bare foot and bleeding, torn ragged clothes, bloodied and soiled knees.. and breathing heavy.. hard word is my Phoenix rising and I wonder.. In all my struggles in life, both the self inflicted and the not so awesome hands life has had a tendancy to throw at me, There has got too be something amazing waiting for me down the road.. I don't want to spend my 100 years on this planet, in this life waiting for something amazing. .I am the eternal annoying optomist. I even get on my own nerves sometimes when I hear myself talking myself out of my feelings/. Not allowing myself to just feel like shit sometimes or not so happy or to realize that life sucks on occasion and more often then not.. I am ok with that sometimes.. but why is it that the pleasant moments seem so contrastingly different when weighed on a scale of fairness? Why does it seem that some people have so much more in life.. Why are they able to have nice houses and I can't? Why is it that I have worked my butt off since I was 15 at jobs and yet I have nothing? I have given life an honest effort, I have given life the constant benefit of the doubt only to be bitch slapped back down.. why is that? Why is it that some raging alcoholics can have a decent life.. why is it that I don't have a date ever and no friends? what is the universe trying to tell me.. ? and more importantly .. why aren't I getting the message?