Mary Mary

Mary, why do you refuse to open your eyes? Your child is so sick,it is upsetting and sad and inside he must feel like crap about himself, Yet in your selfish desire to keep him down because you are so terrified of losing his love.. You turn a blind eye to his sickness. He has severe mental illness and living alone with no family or friends around him , His disease is allowed to take over and it has .. I can walk into his apartment and see the disease swallowing him up entirely. It breaks my heart and I don't have much heart of compassion left towards him.. His disease is insidious in how it takes over his mind, often times without him even knowing it.. the lies to himself and to the world.. His lack of true intimacy, the OCD , the skitzophrenia, the narccisitic personality disorder are only naming a few of the ingredients in this poor persons cocktail of a brain. And you choose to use him, you choose to keep him sick instead of loving him enough to confront him and get him the help he so desperately needs.. I realize how afraid you are of losing him, I realize that you have lost 2 of your children and 6 grand kids.. and the thought of losing another one is so unbearable that you will not even allow it to cross your mind or your heart ... I have been aroundd long enough to have seen some pretty bad signs of the illness.. I have attempted discussions with you in the past on more then one occasion and I have been met with your wrath. Only once was there a break through where his problem was given a name, I was ecstatic that we had this break through, because I felt like "finally, putting a name to it was acknowledging it exsists , it was a glimmer of hope to the only slim chance of recovery. You cannot fix what you dont acknowledge.. You ignoring his mental frame of mind is a sin. I no longer foolishly hope that we can or will be friends.. personally I don't want friends who tell me what I want to hear, I want the kind of friends who tell me what I need to hear..
Of course all of this is my outsider opinion.. but if it were my son.. no matter how old he is and this was brought to my attention, I most certainly would not close my eyes.. I would confront him with love, i would hold him accountable. .I would quit (never ) make excuses as to why he makes the choices he makes.. why he behaves the way he does..
Do you not think it odd that he drives a $40,000.00 truck, has the top of the line hunting gear, pays off your house yet lives in a stinky disgusting little hole in the wall apartment? Do you think he could do better then that.. set some goals for himself or just stay stuck in the muck? How about all the mountains of stuff piled on his table for years now? Are you seriously going to tell me you don't notice it or is that you just want to believe his justifications because looking at the truth would hurt too badly and you fear losing another child..
well .. You are wrong in my opinion..