Dear God

I was brought up in a home divided.. Mom was a practicing Catholic..practice practice practice..I think she had always just about had it right.. it was not about being "catholic" per say.. more about how you lived your life, what is in your heart.. How willing are you to share the message, not just in knowing and reciting the words, but actually walking the walk.. mom had that down.. She walked the walk.. and she can still talk the talk with the best of them.. Hers is a religion based faith.. She often shared with me through out my life when I struggled with organized religions and the chaos and hypocracy... Mom would bring things down into a perspective that almost made sense..

I as an adult of 28 went through a metamorphasis .. a spiritual awakening or being born again as some would call it.. It actually calls it that in the bible as well.. I was always leary of the term "Born again" because it conjurs memories of those scary people in plain but fancy clothing who would be walking down the neighborhood streets with their little bags and fliers about their religion.. But for lack of a better term and also as a result of my own coming to terms with the term and all it implied.. I am now quite comfortable sharing the statement "I am born again" .. People still run and hide.. but that is ok. .I am not going to come after you and thump you on the head with a bible.. I would rather just be your friend or even an aquaintance at this point so that you can form your own opinion of where you are on your journey and I will be more of an example by my actions then shoving my words down your throat.... Just don't be afraid of those that will call you to duty.. to serve.. etc.. the time is coming.. the time for answer asking and question fielding..The time for seeking instead of simply trusting what you are told to think and believe. There is very little truth even available these days. I surely don't know, I am a questioner and I have often been silenced but I cannot be silent any longer. Keeping my head in the sand is no longer an option.. for some reason I have been chosen.. I think about Paul in the bible and what a total scum bag, lying, womanizing, christian killer he was, yet God knocked him on his ass and used him for good. I liken myself to Paul.. I lived a selfish, self absorbed life.. Not concerned about my fellow human beings.. Not concerned about my own well being.. I allowed myself to be trash.. Which brings me back to the house divided that I grew up in.. I never felt good enough and that had alot to do with the fact that I was reminded by my father (when he was around) of just how worthless and stupid I was.. I don't understand why a parent would feel the need to verbally beat the spirit out of someone so small and helpless.. And it has taken much healing , recovery, faith in Christ, tears, pain in my awakening as well as forgiveness of my father.. My father has not changed.. but I have , and in my awakening, as a result of my forgiveness, I now have a relationship with my father.. His power over me by manipulative words no longer hurt me. I have gone from hatred and misunderstanding to compassion and insight. It is hard to see my own family, so filled with dysfunction but when I see the daily news.. read the paper, turn on the T.V. , all around us we are surrounded by the confused, the misguided, the non believers, the uninformed, the ignorant. The state of our world is no longer just sad.. It is tradgic, it has been allowed to spin so out of control that it has become shameful.
Starting with the family that has convinced themselves that they need two incomes to survive.. They need to incomes because they made a choice to live a life garnering a dual income. Instead of sacrificing that fancy new car, instead of driving an old faithful car, we need bigger, better, faster more.. And from that initial leak springs forth the poison from the well.. the Hell well...
Two income couples should not bring children into the world.. consider it please. How do you justify bringing children into the world so that you can leave them in a day care for 10 hours a day? What lies do you tell yourself to help you sleep at night? More hell water.. it is to the point now where we don't tell the lies anymore. .It is justified in the sleeping pill.. that way you don't HAVE to think about it.. you will sleep like a baby so that you can get up and do it again tomorrow.. Drop the kids at day care, until they are old enough to go to school.. and hey lets petition the government for full day kindergarten, after all.. the kids are 4 and 5 and 6.. they are no longer just innocent little children.. they are old enough now to have to get up way before they need too.. Who the hell cares? Hectic mornings are the way everyone wants to grow up.. nothing like security.. and how about the little belly ache that has to go to school or daycare anyway because mommy cannot miss another day of work.. give him some medicine.. send her off.. If it gets worse I will deal with it later..and hey how about before school care where they can feed them breakfast too.. Yeah, great idea.. one more way of getting out of spending any real time chatting with YOUR child? Why do we keep having children?
And your kids are fucked up, but man you have a nice house and fancy car.. You must be so proud.. take your valium like a normal person and don't feel anything.. Where will it get you anyway?
And what about the kids born out of wedlock? What about the little boys who have no daddy in their lives.. My God.. If you are there, you much weep around the clock just at this tradgedy of the 20th and 21st centuries.. A moment literally, of pleasure and their are babies popping out all over the place that no one wants.. the government winds up paying for them.. mommy is annoyed at them.. daddy.. Well , daddy has 5 kids.. and he is out still trying to get laid because the system for tracking him down and making him pay aint working! How about a castration? How about no more reproduction? But again we come full circle.. who is teaching the kids morals? Who is giving your child, safe in their little day care a moral compass? Who is teaching them chastity, self respect, self esteem, waiting to have sex until you are in a commited long term relationship.. Why are 13 year old girls even considering having sex? Because there is no daddy around supply them with the love they need.. no one is telling them how special they are.. no one is telling them that it is not only smart to wait, because your little teenage body is in no way ready for sex, pregnancy, childbirth or parenting.. Why is no one telling you that?
I love you .. I wish I could reach every young girl on the planet right now and share my story and hug them and tell them that sex is the final act in a relationship, never the first consideration. somehow today the message is.. sex is ok.. My God where are you? You gotta be rethinking this free will thing.. We are a bunch of idiots.. young girls having sex with guys who just want to bust a nut and will say and do anything to get that.. they don't care about you.. Odds are so not in the favor of that relationship working out.. Instead the odds are that a young girl will contract a sexually transmitted disease, get pregnant, ruin not just her life but that of an innocent baby..
Dear God.. it seems we no longer think for ourselves.. we jump higher becuase that is what society tells us to do.. We need more money to buy more crap.. NOT. .what we could use are a few more hours in our days.. a better nights sleep , more love and hugs and time with our children. Give up the extracaricular activities.. sacrifice when you bring a child into this world.. give them a chance at growing up to be a decent well rounded human being.. that can only happen with parental love and support and unconditional love.
We the people need to step up. We need to own our part in this. . .we need to get our babies out of day care and start spending time raising them.. allowing them to be little kids. to stay in their pajamas a bit too long.. allowing them to play in the sprinkler, but not alone, mom and dad.. get in the sprinkler.. play, hug kiss, laugh.. spend all that you have of yourself..
I recently asked my 6 year old this question: Would you rather take all the toys in our house (and we have way way too many toys) and trade them all in, you could keep 2 of your favorites, just get rid of them all, would you do it if it meant you could have your daddy back in your life every day.. He did not even have to think about it.. He said a resounding "YES, I would rather have my dad"
He is six.. I am listening.. His daddy is not.. I will be there /here for him no matter what... I will be the hipper version of June cleaver.. No dresses, but morals, values and hot meals every day! I will be the voice of reason, I will be the leader by my positive example.. i will be the sound board, the hug and kiss to celebrate the triumphs, the tissue box holder and weilder of bandaids and neosporin.. I will be the goalie.. the pitchback, I will be the audiance for magic shows, I will be on the bleachers in the rain at every game come hell or high water.. I will be waiting on the bus stop every day when you come home.. I will be the homework assistant, i will be the appointment maker, taxi driver, baseball coach, bread winner. worry sharer.. best friend. .I will be the parent.. I will set up boundaries and dish out spankings when needed.. I will love you unconditionally and you will not live one day or breathe one breath where you ever doubt my unconditional love.. I will raise you to be a person of integrity.. I will raise you to be an activist , your own dog.. I will remind you every day of how blessed you are, of how much you are loved, of how special you are .. I willl remind you to say your prayers and I will teach you to be greatful for all we have ... I don't have a big fancy house, I drive an older model car that , Praise the Lord, runs great.. I don't have much money left in my savings account. .but I have happy , well adjusted kids who have a safe place to fall.. it is called home.. Not fancy schmancy house with mortgage that is killing mom and dad.. Home.. and all it entails..
I will lead by my example.. You will know and never doubt my love, my commitment and hopefully.. You will not know dysfuntion but instead.. Love, tolerance, understanding, sacrifice.. and a happy home..
ahhh yes.. Dear God.. grant us happy homes.. take us back to the simpler days.. the Leave it too beaver days.. I can smell the meat loaf.