Days gone By

how many of you out there are over 40? Over 30.. are you lost .. have you hit that point in your life when you suddenly wake up and wonder.. what the hell happened? How did I get to be 44? Why am I married to this person, who are these kids, why am I divorced, why are my parents so old , why does my knee hurt, who am I?

Mine has come.. I feel like I am just now waking up from a 27 year long nightmare.. Not a dream, no dreams tend to be associated with pleasantness.. and this memory, this period of foggy reawakening has not been pleasant.

Put aside the usual questions one would have when waking from a dream or even more so when awakening from a long term coma..the fog, the rubbing of the eyes.. the harsh sunlight burning the reality of awakedness into your brain and then the wondering begins.. Unleashing the endless chain reaction of questions that erupt, slowly , meticulously like a volcano flow, Once it starts, it keeps coming and this awakening will keep coming, flowing into your brain, Once it begins.. there is no turning back, from this moment on, if you're lucky.. everything will be different.

And with each question,the painful truth, the answers of how far you had strayed from your dreams..

How does it happen.. How do we as little children grow up to not only stray a million miles away from our dreams, but when asked at 30, 40, 50 we cannot even recall what our dreams were? How do we allow ourselves to get so lost, so caught up that we forget the passions of our youthful hearts, the dreams that fueled us joyfully through each day as innocent children. We did not know failure then, we knew no limits, no ceiling to the dreams we could dream. Imagining ourselves on stages under spotllights, In ball parks signing autographs, traveling, accepting our Academy award, walking on the moon, being the president of the United States, being a rock star, being a mom, being a husband or wife, wealth, fame, fortune.. Time is a thief, low self esteem is a criminal, robbing us of our dreams, time makes us older and wiser, but with the wisdom comes great pain and refinement, but still the dreams are buried so far that we cannot even begin to imagine what they were any more. We have lost touch with our own being.

You stop and ask yourself the simplest of questions: What is my favorite color? You know you are truly lost when you can't answer that one.. If you are lucky this will be the first of many lightbulb moments.. It is time to get in tune with yourself.. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, I remember hearing that as a child, as a teenager, as a twenty something and thinking "What in the hell does that mean?" Now I know.. today is a clean sheet of paper to write your script. Today is the dawn of possibility.. Today you can begin the joyful journey that life is supposed to be. Ask yourself: When I was a child, what did I want to be when I grew up? Where did I see myself going, what was my passion? The minute you ask it, You will remember and remembering can be quite painful because many.. well let's be honest, most of us never got there, Not even close! But today you can fire that passion up again! Light that fire underneath, dont' spend one more day in misery because you have convinced yourself that you have too! Work it out, dive into your passion, it may even become the reality you dreamt of as a child! How cool would it be to write that hit song, to sing on broadway, to finally know deep down, giggling out of control peace and joy?
It is time to wake up to your future. It is here , ready or not..
Every second is precious..don't make excuses or blame someone else for your unhappiness, forget about the past other then to look back and learn from so that you don't repeat the mistakes.. Dont' resent the mistakes, they helped refine you into the person you are today, the person who is now ready to dive whole heartedly into themselves.
Dig that little girl out who wanted to be an actress, unearth the little boy who dreamt of playing in the world series. You may not see the world series but who cares, you can still go to the batting cages, You can still perform in a local play.. until you embrace that child, those dreams, you won't find happiness.. It will all just be a robotic act , unemotional other then misery.. no thanks.
I just watched my 74 year old father launch at 6 am today on his first ever Hot air baloon ride.. He has been sitting in a recliner for the greater majority of his retirement.. and as the balloon glided into the wide open , freshly plowed field and came to a bumpy stop. As the sun was shining warm on my hair, as my father with his knee replacement steadied himself to climb carefully out of the balloons basket.. I saw a 9 year old little boy who could not wait to tell me all about his trip into the sky.. a dream lived! How freakin cool is that?
find out!